so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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