Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
