Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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