My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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