And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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