dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize