So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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