we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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