At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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