Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize