Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
