I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
