What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
