hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
