got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He better not be in your backpack
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
