420 ftw
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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