I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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