I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
