Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
