have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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