so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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