i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
