never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
