I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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