it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
