the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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