I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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