i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dick has a subreddit
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
