you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
