I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
