I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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