I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
