we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
