She is in my trunk
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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