Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
