no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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