No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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