I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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