i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
