remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm always down for nudity.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
