i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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