Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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