WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
