My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
