mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
