Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
