Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
