I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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