were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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