She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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