i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found puke in my bra..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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