Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
