I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
