whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
