I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
