She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
