New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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