Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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